____________________

Thank goodness I’m over all those negative vibes. I don’t think I’ll be getting that class for the summer.. But I can always try again in July. As far as work goes - whatever happens, happens. When the time comes, I’ll handle it then. This is my summer, I’m going to enjoy it.:)

These past couple days have been truly frustrating. First work, my relationship then to top it off - school. Last night I felt completely lost. I’ve been trying to find ways to keep me content. Hiking, cooking and now gardening. None of them have filled that hole. I let my thoughts get the best of me and I started keeping my distance from my boyfriend. I knew it was stupid, but I didn’t want to take my confusion out on him since that’s all I do nowwadays.. I expect so much from him, even though he does so much for me already. I know my flaws, which I guess is also what upsets me.. I’m pretty sure I know 1 thing that will put me at ease and that’s guard. I miss it so much.. I never have a worry in my head, other than my determination to get that perfect performance, even with the sweat, bruises and sometimes even blood, but that’s what makes it even more exciting. I just have to find something else that can give me that same feeling. Anywho. I finally gave in and visited him today. Its only been a day and a half since I’ve had a full convo with him and it felt like FOREVER. lol.. Its a bit frustrating how much better he made my life feel - only bc I know I get that sorta weak feeling when we’re not where we usually are. Kinda scary how he has that power on me.. lol ANYWAY. I didn’t get my summer class, but I’m hoping tmw that’ll change. I made a friend on the way to my class. I totally forgot to figure out where my classroom was and I was already in a hurry. As I was walking I asked this random guy if he knew where the PS building was. He said, “I’m actually going there. You going to a math class?” I said, yeah. Then we realized we were both trying to add the same class. lol I thought it was so random since there was barely any people on campass. We sat next to each other in class and after a while we sorta just grew more distance. I’m pretty sure its bc I was awkward, didnt really try to make convos then eventually I didn’t chill with him during break nor did I sit next to him during the 2nd half of class. I fail at making friends… lol Last topic of the night - Job hunting. Starting tmw I’m going to start job hunting again. I’m gonna try to make 2 jobs and hopefully summer school work. I’ve got a boyfriend to go out with, a few bills to pay, clothes/necessities to get and a son to raise. I’m pretty sure no one cares about what’s really going on, but I haven’t blogged for a while. Feels kinda nice.

I don’t understand how a person can make someone pick either school or work. I see the pros and cons, but wow..

Anonymous asked: are you going to the beatles: the lost concert" movie when it comes out next month?

No..?

I feel like I don’t really go on Tumblr anymore.. I’m so busy with school, work, my love-life & the famz. School has been pretty chill for now, until finals come up.. But I’m not stressed about it. I’ve been getting more hours for work and every once in a while I’ll be working at the Ontario studio, so even more hours. :) Al though, I realized me watching movies at night or going to Ray’s every night is taking a toll.. I’m falling asleep in my morning class and I feel tired 1/2 the time nowadays. My love-life is stronger than ever. & thank goodness my mom and I are once again on a good note. I bought her an early mother’s day gift and she loved it. :) I don’t even talk to my friends anymore.. I kinda miss them, but for now I’m just gonna try and rest up for tmw. School, errands, work until 7 then study.

That shitty moment when you see a picture of your ex best friend and her husband during their first dance at their wedding…. I still remember how I thought I was going to be your side for your special day being your maid of honor… I don’t think I’ll ever trust anyone like that again.. I miss you so much, and I still feel kinda lost.. ..& its already been almost 4 years since we last spoke..

I’m going through that weird phase again where I wanna be around my bf 24/7.. This used to happen when he would sleepover for like a week straight.. As soon as he left, I felt so alone.. Lately for the past few months all I wanna do is go to his house. I’m starting to get sick again, and instead of resting in bed, i went to his place for 2 hours. Even my mom is starting to get annoyed bc I’m there everyday. I don’t like being this vulnerable, but maybe its something I should learn to accept.